Actual Sunlight

ActualSunlight is a game about depression. You play as a man in his late twenties who believes his life is ruined because...well, he has a lot of reasons.

I actually wrote a review for this game a few years ago. My main gripe was that it had no gameplay.

You can walk around, click on things, and that's about the extent of it. When you click on things you get a wall of text, an insight into Evan's Winter's personal narrative. But there's no choice, no agency, you're just there to read. Ultimately you have to move the keys to get from one text to the other but you may as well not be there.

Since then I've played more games, and now I don't make arguments like “that's not a real game.” I've played Gone Home, and other games that were just...experiences. So I played this game over again, and tried not to judge it based on my original criticism. Yes, it's just text, but is it good text?

To be honest, I'm not sure. Reading through it, I felt mostly irritated. But now upon reflection, I'm not sure why. Maybe because I used to suffer from depression and I can't stand hearing that irrational rationale that goes through a person's mind when they try to justify why they feel so shit. Because it's not honest.

So I couldn't really even get into the feel of this game. I think because my mind sort of kicks back against those kind of negative thoughts now. I couldn't follow the character down the hole he was digging himself.

So, the game didn't resonate with me. And I don't know if it was really bad writing or just me reacting badly to it. Maybe a better game would have been able to draw me into this guy's problems more sympathetically. Or maybe this game is good for most people, just not me? It's got favourable reviews. But so does a lot of trash.

The other thing that bothers me is that even if this is a good depiction of depression, I don't think it really has any particular insights into the condition? It's just a portrait with no greater statement.

I think I have to go with my gut. My gut says I played this twice and didn't like it twice. I'll let other people decide if the game works for them. Maybe pick it up if you've never understood depression and really want to. Even then, I hope there are better examples out there. 1.5/5 stars.